Baby Barrett Updates

Adrian Abraham Barrett

My journey, from the womb to the world…

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Dude, It’s Better If You Don’t Kick Me While I’m Sewing Up Your Penis…

It started off like I was going to the CF clinic.  Then, we went past the clinic, up to the second floor of the hospital, and into a urologists office.  I had been there once before and some guy checked me out, but that was it.  Simple.  Painless.  This time, a cute blond nurse led me into the exam room.  She laid me down, got me naked, smiled at me, said some sweet things, then proceeded to strap me down.  At first I thought this could be fun, but then the fun stopped.  She walked away.  Then I screamed.  I screamed loud.  I screamed hard.  I screamed with every spare calorie I had in my body to make sure that I would be heard.  She came back, but she was not alone, the doctor was with her, and it only got worse from there.  My legs were still strapped down, and he proceeded to inject me with some clear liquid to numb me down below.  Then came the knife, the scissors, the tweezers and some other tools.  I still screamed.  I screamed the entire time.  I wasn’t going to let them take my foreskin without a fight.  I made them miserable.  At one point the urologist said “dude, it’s better if you don’t kick me while I’m sewing up your penis”.  They tried to calm me with a pacifier, they tried dipping the pacifier in some sweet flavored liquid.  Nothing worked.  And that guy I use to lovingly call daddy?  He just stood there behind me telling me it would be okay.  Just wait until the next daddy election and we’ll see if I vote for him.  It took about 20 minutes, but once it was done, and the straps came off, I stopped crying.  Everything was all better.

Mommy said if I remember this when I’m older that she’ll buy me a toy.  You bet I’m going to collect on that, as this website will be proof.

With cystic fibrosis I’m very likely not able to have children naturally.  While things look and function normal, the little swimmy things don’t get included on the way out.  They’ll have to be moved manually using a process called in vitro fertilization when I’m ready to father children.  Mommy and daddy are making sure I do not know any of this, as this will likely make me even more of a chick magnet if there is no risk of women getting pregnant.  Ladies Beware!

Published by Baby Barrett, on April 8th, 2009 at 9:01 pm.